The moustache under your nose

Recently I had two very stimulating conversations with friends I've not spoken to for a while. Both have had successful corporate careers, and now, reaching a certain age (I won't embarrass them), are turning their minds to what they would like to do with the last years of their working life. Both still have energy and passion, but want to devote their time to something they find personally meaningful, as well as earn a crust. So the subject of 'what to do next' has been forefront for them.

Now when people reach this stage, what I often hear is ambitions to do something wildly different, exotic or left-field. Not the case for these two. Instead of wanting to cycle the length of Burma (one of my own exotic ambitions) or climb Mount Kilimanjaro, they have experienced more of a 'coming home' to themselves. Both have been appraising the sum of their (considerable) experience and finding that what they want to do is something very aligned to their sense of themselves as a human being and now that they can see it, it seems completely obvious as a direction. So obvious in fact they have discounted it as a possibility and were in danger of forgetting all about.

So what is the 'moustache under your nose' - the thing so obvious that you've stopped seeing it? Take a look at the books on your bedside table, or the hobbies you love spending time on. Maybe that will give you a clue on your future direction

Ladder of inference - issues in coaching

It is so easy to form a snap judgement in coaching. We form impressions of our clients - often without knowing it - and all of a sudden those impressions become 'truths', somehow fixed in our minds. We then start to act on those 'truths' and look out for further evidence to compound our beliefs.

I was working recently with a novice coach, John, who fell foul of this phenomena. He'd started to pick up signs that his most recent coachee wasn't fully committed to the coaching relationship, and as he was irritated by this wanted to give his new coachee strong feedback about this.  However, in supervision it became apparent that what John had actually experienced was a slowness to return emails, and some delay and confusion around setting up their first meeting. When he finally met his new coachee, the coachee was full of apologies - he'd had to have extra time off work due to a family crisis. John's irritation evaporated.

Peter Senge* calls this tendency to move unawarely from objective evidence (e.g. slow return of email) to unwarranted belief (e.g. the coachee is uncommitted) the 'ladder of inference'. Like everyone else, coaches are prone to build assumptions and beliefs based on what they see and experience of the client. The difference for me is that coaches should know the difference between an observation and an inference, and they should know the difference between one piece of data and a genuine pattern. More grist for supervision!

Senge, P. et al ( 1994) The Fifth Discipline Fieldbook: Strategies and tools for building a learning organization, London: Nicholas Brealey Publishing, pp242-246

Immediacy - advanced coaching skills

Immediacy is not a word you hear bandied about much in coaching circles, but is a skill I find characterises many experienced and effective coaches. Immediacy refers the ability of a coach to use their 'here and now' experience of the coachee as data in service of the client. This covers a broad spectrum including what the coach hears and sees in the coachee as well the coaches own sensations, curiosities and feelings.

An example might help - suppose the coach notices the client always refers to their boss with an ironic laugh. The coaches' intervention then might be something like 'I notice you laugh every time you mention your boss, could you say a little more about what is going on for you...?'   Equally, the coach might pick up a sense of unease when talking with a client which could be shared as 'I'm feeling a little  uneasy as we talk about ...., is that the same for you?'

Key to the use of this skill is firstly, selectivity and secondly, tentativeness.  I would only use my perceptions of the client if I thought they were relevant to the issues at hand and only if I had more than one example to share -- i.e.. a pattern. I would also make sure I offered them in a tentative, provisional way rather than as a judgement. This can involve taking a risk, but I have found that this sort of intervention is often invaluable and will lead our conversations into some rich and unusual places.

The answer vs an answer

I was working with a group of managers today on their coaching skills. As so often happens, a conversations started about getting their coachees to the 'right' answer, and asking the 'right' question to get them there. As the notion of a 'right question' leaves me genuinely puzzled I asked them how they knew what was the right question and how they knew they had got to the right answer. Some looked blankly at me, some ruefully admitted that the 'right answer' probably equalled their answer.

This lead me to think about how much of our training and education leads us to think there is a 'right' answer out there. Two plus two equals four doesn't  it?! However, in our increasingly complex world, the sorts of issues coachees bring to coaching don't have simple answers - if they did they would probably have sorted out there problems for themselves. Questions such as 'Where do I take my career?' or "How do I tackle my bullying boss?' don't have simple answers and there are many answers not just one.

Is this desire for a black and white answer and the magic 'right' question a denial of the complexity of living, a desire to control the uncontrollable?  I don't know... answers on a postcard please.

Signs of burnout in coaches

Like many others in 'helping by talking' professions, coaches are prone to 'burnout'. However, some of the coaches I supervise seem think this is something that their clients will suffer from (which it is), and are unaware of the symptoms in themselves.

I posted a recent blog talking about a general model of burnout - here's what it might look like when applied to coaches:

• Phase of big illusions - believing that as coach you can change your clients and through them, the world. Coaching becomes a mission.
• Phase of frustration - placing too high expectations on ourselves and on clients. We start to feel disappointment and frustration with the amount of change that seems to be possible
• Phase of decreased vitality - client' start to feel like a burden, 'do I really have to talk to them again?'.
• Phase of apathy - the work with clients starts to lose its meaning, 'what was the point after all?'.

So if we take 'self-as-instrument' seriously, we also have to make sure we do what it takes to look after that instrument. Down time is for coaches as well as their clients. 

'Getting' supervision

I attended the 3rd International coaching supervision conferences at Oxford Brookes University yesterday - and very good it was too. There was a real range of speakers from all over the world, and it struck me  that coaching supervision was now becoming much more of an mainstream activity instead of an peripheral add-on. Coaches now get that having supervision is part of the deal if you expect to practice and there is now much more of a pull for services.

However, I also think there is a way to go to help coaches understand how to use a supervisor effectively - a bit like there is often a journey to help coachees understand how to use a coach. Here I don't think the word 'supervision' helps us - it smacks too much of the autocrat overseeing and inspecting a minion's work. The trouble is nobody seems able to come up with a better word. As Prof Peter Hawkins quipped  - there is a case of champagne waiting for someone who can think of a better descriptor.

Coach supervision is of course, in part about quality control, but it is also about support and development for the coach. Great supervision should be about helping the coach to see more and be able to do more in service of their clients. Now why wouldn't you want that?

Parallel process