The 'pink and fluffy' stuff.

OK I've going to use the 'F' word - feelings - I know it is not fashionable but there you go I've done it now. While the value of emotional intelligence is not new news, what is it about the very hint of an emotion that make many of us head for the hills? Worse still, how come we have to deride 'feelings' as the 'pink and fluffy' stuff when often they are the most challenging part of our relationships ...  or is it because they are the most challenging part of our relationships?

Daniel Goleman reckons that all conversations - including hard headed business conversations - have an emotional content which we can choose to pay attention to, as well as a factual content. It could be as 'in your face' as fear, sadness or anger, or more subtle and lower key such as resentment, amusement or boredom. Whatever is present, all emotions have an impact whether we admit it or not and colours what becomes possible or impossible. When we ignore or suppress the feeling content of a situation we cut ourselves off from an important source of data about what is going on for both parties. I've often found in my coaching practice, for example, that the emotional content has been a more accurate predictor of intent rather than the sophisticated rationalisations and justifications we often show up with.

Here's a link to Daniel Goleman talking (55 min) at the Google University about the productive use of the 'pink and fluffy' stuff  and the emotional subtext of our conversations.