Untangle and grow

A blog by Alison Maxwell

Tuesday, 30 April 2013

You are not talking to me!

Ever had a slightly weird feeling that someone talking to you is not actually dealing with you but with someone else. If so, you probably been on the receiving end of some 'transference'. Its a term that cover a myriad of situations, but refers in essence to when someone plays out a past relationship or way of relating in the present situation. So for example, its the phenomenon that explains why grown men suddenly start behaving like school children in the training room, just as if they were suddenly back at school. They are taking how they used to behave and transferring it into present situation - usually inappropriately!

Counter transference is when you start responding back - ie playing the role that has been assigned you. So if you have ever seen a trainer get all 'school-marmy' on you,then they are probably in the grip of some counter-transference.

Why does this all matter to coach? Well if you are interested in keeping your communication clear and open then you can easily see how this stuff could murky the waters. So if your coachee suddenly starts putting you on a pedestal .. and you would quite like them to ... check out if there isn't something else going on and take it straight to supervision.

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