Habits of mind and action

It is a curious phenomena that the act of talking out our problems with someone else (eg. a coach) often seems also to shift the problem - ' a problem shared is a problem halved' as the old saying goes. However it appears that this phenomena is more that just unburdening ourselves of a problem. Recent developments in neuroscience are starting to help us understand a lot more about the structure of 'thinking' and what it takes to change our thinking.

Neuroscientists  are suggesting that a 'thought' is merely a pathway of neural connections that have been forged in the brain. A bit like a ski path in the snow, the more we think in a particular way, the deeper that pathway gets, and consequently the harder it is to shift. We develop habits of mind as well as of action. If you've ever been stuck with a problem you will probably know the feeling of being stuck in a rut you can't get out of.

Talking out a problem with someone else literally can jump start our thinking process, forcing us to think down different pathways and come up with new possibilities. Great coaches are skilled at testing for habitual ways of thinking and catalysing new thought processes. While research suggests it can very difficult to shift old habits (of thought or action), forming new habits  is a whole lot easier. Overall good news I thought!

Using 'provocation' in coaching - coaching skills

Just come back from an interesting talk given by Sue Knight, doyen of NLP coaching. Sue's topic was 'coaching with humour' but what she really was talking about was using provocation in coaching. Sue made a convincing case that asking the provoking question - playing  the devils advocate - should be a legitimate tool in our coaching armoury.

Clients presumably come to coaching to make some change or improvement in their lives... and that often means mixing things up a bit. A provocative question, delivered deftly with humour and a twinkle in the eye, may take clients into new territories and firm their resolve to act. "What makes you think you've got what it takes... why should anyone listen to you... how long are you willing to tolerate this?" . Tone, as you can imagine, is everything.

Like any powerful 'technique', provocation need to be used with great care, and only when there is enough rapport and relationship between coach and client. In the wrong hands, or badly timed, the provocative question could come across as uncaring or just plain rude. Sue also challenged us to think about what questions we wouldn't ask a client and therefore what limits we might be unnecessarily imposing on the work together. Provocative indeed.

Objections to Growth

I spent 3  days this week with a leadership group looking at how they could show up as even better leaders. While the conversation for the first 2.5 days had been flowing and open, as soon as we started on the conversation of how they needed to change the conversation ran aground.

Three objections were bandied around:

Objection no 1: "It is them that has to do the changing. " These folk clung to the idea that change is for other people - usually their bosses or their subordinates ...obviously they were not required to change and had no responsibility to do so.

Objection no 2: "I'm not that sort of leader". This group carried a notion that leaders are some sort of mythic heroic figure, blessed with extraordinary characteristics and abilities that they weren't lucky enough to have. Leadership was therefore something remote and extraordinary rather than the everyday stuff of getting people to follow you.

Objection no 3: "I can't help it - this is the way I've always been"  This group believed that behaviour was not a choice, and that their behaviour was a fixed part of their personality which they obviously couldn't change or address. 

Net result ... the status quo unless these beliefs are challenged. Anyone else seen these in action?